Tag Archives: self-confidence

Find Your Own Way To Be

In work and life, how do you deal with the people and situations who just rub you the wrong way? Being silent, grinning and bearing aren’t going to cut it; because whether we realize it or not, people can tell when we are being like hypocritical politicians.

The other day I was on a leadership call for the planning of an annual event for this summer. About 14 people were on the call; and I must admit, it was somewhat of an irritating experience. As usual, the ones with biggest mouths took control and spoke way too long. In addition, the way the call was facilitated, I felt I could not share what I wanted. So I became lost in the noise of my silent complaints.

After the call, I asked myself  how do people share what they need to share, when they feel like silent puppies among others who are constantly barking?  My answer – I go inside myself and I find a way to deliver my message so that others can hear it. In this case, I would write it down in the most graphic and compelling way I know. I have done so in the past and generally get the attention and feedback I needed.

The next time you encounter people and situations that rub you the wrong way, remember there is no right way for everyone be – just your way, my way and everyone’s way. Don’t judge my way, or I might just cut off your head (not literally), and will be less inclined to see your talents and support you.

Just find a way to show your genuine and most powerful way of getting your point across, given the situation. You can talk, write, draw, or whatever speaks you. Just be and let others be!

A New Normal for Extraordinary Living and Achieving

Justina and the Creation of Positive, Life-long Impact in the Face of Death

Life hit Justina hard with a terrible fate. Over the last few months she has deteriorated rapidly due to aggressive brain cancer. Inside that disease, she accepted her new normal way of being, like an angel sent here to show us what it is to truly be a successful human being. Over the holidays, though her sight was practically gone and she could barely get up from her wheelchair, she came to church bearing prayers and gifts for many in the congregation.

I remember bending down to give her a New Year’s hug, as she reached up with one hand to embrace me, while wearing a beaming smile on her face. I felt I was absolutely blessed and witnessing a new normal way of being, called for when we must find the hidden gift in the seemingly terrible hand that life often deals.

Ditching Our Crutches and Taking Progress to the Next Level

Lately each day I go the gym, I walk one mile or eleven times around the track with my cane. Then I walk another four laps without the cane. Without the cane, I walk with much less energy and sometimes I must look as though I am going backwards. Yet last Saturday I decided that ditching my cane would be the new normal I am creating. I know I must face the fear and do it any way.

Create a new beginning, says my soul, knowing I will have to face more fear and courage. I rarely turn my back on a call to be my best; therefore I set a new goal of walking outside my home without my cane. Last Sunday, for first time, I went to church totally cane-less!

A New Normal Way of Being

What do you think the new normal has to do with achieving our life purpose? In my next blog I will look at this question and talk about the link to achieving our business and career goals.

Do You Need a New Normal to Get What You Want?

What goal or dream do you want to achieve? Will it manifest or fit within your current environment or way of being? Or do you have to create a new normal?

Four years ago, while speaking to me about dealing with my disability after stroke, a social worker said “This is your new normal.” Did this mean that my new normal was paralysis and disability, as well as inability to work, date, dance, etc.? At that time, yes it did! But by seeing and accepting this new normal, I was able to achieve the great goal of healing that God intended for me.

If you have a business, career or life goal, or dream that you would like to achieve, you will find the greatest hope by focusing on seeing or developing the new normal that will lead to the realization of your goal. For example, a friend of mine is in the process of launching a new business. When she heard about the new normal, she began to focus on developing training for her partners to support the success of her business.

Do you need to see the new normal for the realization of your goal or dream? In next week’s article, I will provide a more practical discussion about how you find or create your new normal, and how this will produce extraordinary results in achieving your business or career goals.

Don’t Take the Easy Road

My niece is just finishing high school and says she is waiting to see if she got into university to study social work. The problem is, she says it with about as much zeal as a sedated lion.

Here is the other issue for me. She has great writing and speaking abilities, a dynamic personality and great social skills. She has a wonderful entertaining personality and lights up when we speak of the possibility of her being a journalist. So why did she not apply to study journalism?

“Journalism is too stressful”, she said.

“How do you know that,” I asked.

“When I think about it, I see it as stressful,” she responded.

Pissing Hell! The whole world is mad. With a simple thought of avoiding stress or finding something easy, my flipping niece cheated herself out of what she would love most! For what? Fear that she was not be good enough? Fear that she may have to do too much work? Fear of not enough time to party?

I am frustrated because I used to shut myself out from what I loved because my crazy mind gave me a million reasons to avoid anything that I seemed not able to control – even if it meant foregoing  my true heart’s desire. So I am on a war path against the devilish thoughts that said I had to do things my way, that led me away from my divine path.

Getting Back on Your Path

I will tell you something that helped me get back on my path, walk into fear and prevented me from being ambushed by thoughts of dismal failure or false utopia. No matter which way we go, we are likely to travel some rough roads and experience unbearable pain! That’s how God tests us, grows us, uses us and even blesses us.

In the case of the young lady from my church who is dying from brain cancer, consider that her painful path is leading to a most blessed destination. Is she possibly being used by God to bless others, leading to a much greater blessing to her that we cannot fathom?  Are her loved ones being given their own unique lessons and prepared for their own divine path and blessings? God is up to something great; however, at some point in time, His path, like any path, can mean unbearable discomfort.

Don’t take the easy road; it does not exist. So I say to my niece, go for social work or journalism, you cannot avoid stress or hard times. The difference, however, is that one leads to the deepest joys of your heart and the other doesn’t!  Follow your heart from the outset, even if the path seems perilous. It will eventually reveal your true and most joyful destination.

The Ugly Truths in Our Struggle for Success

Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up…….Chinese proverb.

I have fallen into insignificance!  No one, outside of my family and a few friends, really know who I am. Yet I am dying to reveal myself fully to the world.

So I asked why I keep myself hidden behind the invisible shield of niceness. Give away this. Give away that. Agree to do this. Agree to do that. Accommodate, accommodate, accommodate.  People will like you, say the deceitful voices in my head.

The problem is that I have been pretending so long, it is not so easy for the ‘fighter in me’ to come out and balance the love in me. But I have no choice, the bottled-up fighter is screaming for freedom. And I better let it out and let hell break loose outside of me, or it will break loose inside of me; it happened once!

This article is about the process I am taking to dig deep inside, get to that place of releasing the fierce and fearless agitator in me, renewing my motivation, revealing myself, and reaching for my destiny.

Tell the ugly truth

Too often, horrible thoughts creep into my head. They rant. Who the hell are you to write about success! So you have been miraculously recovering from a near death stroke, what does that have to do with success?! You have not achieved any career goals, you got fired, you had a stroke and the list goes on! You would do better writing about what you represent, FAILURE!

Is this why I am alone and feeling as powerless as an insect?! I feel greatness within me, but it only comes in glimpses and can’t seem to maintain any momentum.

All that I am left to say, after baring my nakedness in front of strangers, is Heeeeeeeeeelp!

Get help

As I sit at my computer writing this article, all I hear is the periodic crackling in the walls of my home. There is not a living soul around. In addition, there in not a person in my mind, who I could reach out to, either by phone or Internet.

I could say heeeeeeeeelp again, but I am done with that. The bottom line is that I have to find a way to encourage myself.

Figure out why these things are happening

I am getting back into the busyness that ruled me before my stroke. I craved acknowledgement. I seemed to want people to see that I am worth something, that I am smart, and that I have so much to give.

Well I am not going to get self-worth and acknowledgement by always doing things, especially the things that are not my passion or my gift. I left that way of being behind with my stroke and there is no way I am going to let my old pre-stroke self creep back into my life.

A main problem is that I am not demonstrating complete faith in the voice I heard in the rehab hospital. The voice that spoke from nowhere, as I woke up one morning. It said loud and clear “share your story with the world.” It’s time to really listen and act.

Determine what you must change

My focus has to be on sharing my fight for success with the world, not 50% or 40% focus but 100% focus.  That story has to be none other than distinguishing the voices within us, and knowing the ones to which we must answer, and on which we must base our fight for success. This is one of my chief aims in my second chance at life.

I have been allowing myself to rely on getting back to who I was, the training I used to do for a living. That helped to get me where I am, but it’s now time to believe in that command from spirit. It’s time to seriously enable my light to shine powerfully and never give up the fight for success.

And yes, there is always a fight between the dissenting voices in my head. The negative voice may steer me one way; however the stronger God-inspired voice will steer me in my true direction. That true direction is the one I will fight for. So, I have no choice, but to relentlessly, share my story, my fight for success, with the world.

Reveal your thick skin

I don’t like to tell people who are helping me, taking a program with me, or working with me that they are doing something that is de-motivating me; because deep down I fear they will leave me or not believe in me. That’s silly, right? Maybe not quite silly; because the belief that other people have in us empower us and keeps us going. However, if they leave, that may be for the best. I don’t want to have people around me, who don’t fit with me or believe in me.


It is always good to share ourselves with the world. I find my experiences are never just my own. I hope this article will help you see that there in a blessing in your ugly truths. There is value in sharing your struggle for success. Please do not hesitate to share your own.

Achieving a Definite Chief Aim: The Power of Self-Confidence

This an excerpt from the beginning of the third lesson, on self-confidence. Click here to read the full lesson.

In Lesson two, you focused on the development of “A Chief Definite Aim.” The next step is to rid yourself of the many barriers, which stand in your way, through the power of self-confidence.  You may think that you already have enough confidence; however, the battle for confidence must be fought by the most successful members of society, even the flamboyant, Lady Gaga.

We have little awareness of the possibilities which lie sleeping within us, awaiting the awakening of our spirit to get us going. We will never have a better inkling of those possibilities unless we develop sufficient self-confidence to lift us above the every-day influences of our present environment.

Consider this personal story.

Three years ago, I was discharged from out-patient care at St. John’s Rehab hospital. It had been a year since my stroke and I had stopped making progress. My right hand and other parts of my right side were still paralyzed. I could barely move, or even stand up.

I asked my therapist if this meant I would not get any better. He shrugged his shoulders and said “you are a Christian, right?” At that moment, that was the worst thing I could have heard. Was he saying that the only hope for my healing was a great miracle from God?  I was scared.

My doctor put me on long-term disability and labelled me permanently unable to work. I felt abandoned and left with nothing but a wheel chair and a quad-cane.

After one week of being almost bedridden and depressed, something changed in me. I was filled with the assurance that I would recover completely or close to completely. I had to believe in myself, do the work required to redevelop my atrophied limbs, and accept the help of God, my family and friends. I had to get rid of the self-defeating thoughts that blocked my way.

I began attending church and found another family of supporters. As God grew deep within me, so did my confidence. I worked hard to develop the habit of training my muscle to develop mobility and strength. I climbed my stairs and worked with an in-home therapist. I walked the block on which I live, then two blocks, and on. I began going to the gym regularly.

Now, four years post-stroke, I walk sometimes without a can; I walk more than a mile, a few times a week, with a regular can. Better yet, I am working again. My formerly damaged brain now spits out ideas, solutions, and other contributions like a high-speed laser printer.

I feel no longer shut out from society. With confidence, I am creating it.

Click here to read the full lesson.